Wednesday, October 22, 2008

My #1 Fear

death ?

heights ?

spiders ?

thunder ?

small spaces ?

open spaces ?

cancer ?

flying ?

These are common phobias, in fact, they are all listed on WebMD as being in the top ten fears and phobias. And while I certainly don't love the idea of any of those(except open spaces, I love being in open spaces)...none of them are my number one fear. But mine was on the list, too:

Social situations.

Something as simple as saying hello to someone sitting next to me will cause me to fret and worry. And I usually don't even go through with it. Just typing it makes me laugh! It's just saying hello! hello! not even a full conversation. just a greeting. oh, don't get me wrong, I WANT to say hello, it just scares me. why? I don't know. would probably have to pay someone quite a lot of money to figure that one out :)

Through the years, I have been labled a snob, stuck-up, or just seen as being disinterested in what was going on around me. But I'm not! Chances are, if you see me that way, I actually want to be your friend.

Of course, there will be those of you reading this that will laugh, perhaps even re-check your monitor to make sure you are reading the correct, I am not writing this on behalf of someone else :) this is me. But I may have met you in a situation that I was extremely comfortable in, so your impression of me is very different. Because I also have a seemingly confliciting passion to being socially phobic: I love performing.

I'm currently IN a show, for heaven's sake! And it's wonderful...being up there on the stage, in front of a hundred or so people. I CAN maintain the performance beyond the final bow, but that's exactly what it feels like: a performance. The comfortable feeling of having a scripted world is not so easily maintained once the play ends, but I can do it. I would just rather not.

This is not to say that I don't enjoy being social. Far from it! I have just had to reconcile myself to the fact that I will most likely feel awkward, even if surrounded by friends, and remind myself of that little truism...'no one is thinking of you even half as much as you are thinking of yourself."

Life is too short to live it on the bench...or in the wings :)


Heather Lough said...

We're birds of a feather in this way my "snobby" friend. You've been a blogging fiend lately. How have you found the time? I want to be a follower, but I can't figure out how to add myself. I see the other followers but no "widget" or place to click to add my name. What do I do? Glad Bella is safe--that's quite a fall.

Trish said...

really?! so, I was very scared that morning at church when I was sitting behind you and I knew I would have to introduce myself..............

totally freaked out about introducing myself and admittng that I was a blog stalker.

I guess I'm the same way!

Amy said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I have exactly the same problem!

Mer said...

I take it back. You're not a brat. ;0)

I love you!

dotoner said...

I so know this about you! But I love you anyway!!