My #1 Fear

death ?

heights ?

spiders ?

thunder ?

small spaces ?

open spaces ?


cancer ?

flying ?



These are common phobias, in fact, they are all listed on WebMD as being in the top ten fears and phobias. And while I certainly don't love the idea of any of those(except open spaces, I love being in open spaces)...none of them are my number one fear. But mine was on the list, too:


Social situations.

Something as simple as saying hello to someone sitting next to me will cause me to fret and worry. And I usually don't even go through with it. Just typing it makes me laugh! It's just saying hello! hello! not even a full conversation. just a greeting. oh, don't get me wrong, I WANT to say hello, it just scares me. why? I don't know. would probably have to pay someone quite a lot of money to figure that one out :)

Through the years, I have been labled a snob, stuck-up, or just seen as being disinterested in what was going on around me. But I'm not! Chances are, if you see me that way, I actually want to be your friend.

Of course, there will be those of you reading this that will laugh, perhaps even re-check your monitor to make sure you are reading the correct blog...no, I am not writing this on behalf of someone else :) this is me. But I may have met you in a situation that I was extremely comfortable in, so your impression of me is very different. Because I also have a seemingly confliciting passion to being socially phobic: I love performing.

I'm currently IN a show, for heaven's sake! And it's wonderful...being up there on the stage, in front of a hundred or so people. I CAN maintain the performance beyond the final bow, but that's exactly what it feels like: a performance. The comfortable feeling of having a scripted world is not so easily maintained once the play ends, but I can do it. I would just rather not.

This is not to say that I don't enjoy being social. Far from it! I have just had to reconcile myself to the fact that I will most likely feel awkward, even if surrounded by friends, and remind myself of that little truism...'no one is thinking of you even half as much as you are thinking of yourself."

Life is too short to live it on the bench...or in the wings :)